(A8) Chapter 8 Retrospect

Kuntal was depressed. He was nostalgic. In the dark room, flashed on the dim screen created by the bluish screen of cigarette smoke, he saw the history of his past sixteen years played out like a drama.

He remembered that fateful day when Sheetal came to him, kept her head on his shoulder and wept bitterly, describing to him how Rashid had tried to rape her.

“Rohit, I don’t know how to react to the experience. Shall I complain to the police? Will that not make the whole incident public and spoil my name?” she said while she sobbed bitterly.

Rohit ran his fingers through Sheetal’s hair to pacify her while his eyes shone with the fire of ambers. He resolved that he would not let Rashid live to see the dawn of the next day’s sun. But he did not say a word about this to Sheetal. He knew she would get scared. He knew she knew he had little control over his anger.

Rohit pacified Sheetal and sent her home. Then, blood in eyes, he started out to search for Rashid.

Rashid had come from Dubai just a month back. He was drunk with pride in his father’s wealth. He felt he could buy anything he set his eyes on. Sheetal’s pleasant looks fascinated him. He made advances towards her, but she repulsed him. He tried all methods to come close to her, but she was adamant. She was neither lured by the glitter of his wealth nor by his carefree style.

Rashid didn’t know of the relation between Sheetal and Rohit. He spent but little time of the day in the university and hardly knew what was going on. His mind was not in studies.

Rashid was the spoilt child of his parents who had not learnt to hear ‘No’ to anything. He was piqued by Sheetal’s rejection of him and wanted to teach her a lesson. One day when she was sitting and studying in her usual place on the last bench of the classroom in the evening, he entered and straightaway caught her by the breast. She froze with fear. He took her into his arms and licked her lips in the most lascivious manner. Her throat choked with fear and she could not scream. She struggled to get free, but could not. He lifted her saree and fondled her private parts with his fingers. Then he opened the zip of his pants and, bringing out his muscular organ, tried to enter her.

With great difficulty, she freed herself and ran out. She was totally shaken by the experience. She searched for Rohit and, when she found him, put her head on his shoulder and burst out in a flood of tears.

Rohit had two weaknesses: one, he could not tolerate hurt to Sheetal; two, he had no control over his anger. Rohit pacified Sheetal and sent her home. Then, blood in eyes, he started out to search for Rashid.

Rohit saw Rashid going on his motorcycle towards the university recreation room. It was late evening and the area was deserted. The recreation room would obviously be closed by this time. It was Rashid’s wont to go at this hour to the recreation area, sit with his friends and take liquor.

Rohit pushed the motorcycle and Rashid fell down, dragged on the ground for some distance by the speed of the motorcycle. For a moment, Rashid could not understand what was happening. Then Rohit said, “Bastard, you dare touch my Sheetal!” and Rashid knew the meaning of the fire in Rohit’s eyes.

Rashid was soft and plump. He had never exercised his muscles. He had pampered his senses rather than his muscles all his life. Rohit was soon on top of him. Rohit could have strangled Rashid to death, but he wanted to hurt him. He hit Rashid in the stomach with his knees till Rashid cried with pain. He slapped Rashid with the back of his hand till blood began to come out of his mouth. And he banged Rashid’s head on the ground till his open eyes stopped flapping their eye-lids.

Finding Rashid dead, Rohit did not know how to react to the situation. He looked around and saw the dark shadow of someone in a distance. Then he heard the shadow shout, “Devil, you have done him to death!” Saying this, the shadow ran towards him. Rohit quietly slipped away and, taking shelter of long crotons that provided the ornamental fence on the sides of the pathway, reached the boys’ hostel. He took all the money he possessed, went to the inter-state-bus terminus and boarded a bus standing there, not bothering to check where it was going.

He travelled from place to place running away from his crime and apprehending arrest. He was scared. Wherever he saw a police officer, his heart sank with the feeling that the officer had come for his arrest. He introduced himself to others as Kuntal Baweja and moved like a fugitive till he developed confidence that he had moved far away from the circle of suspicion.

He managed to get a fake degree and joined MBA in an institute of redoubtable reputation. He realised that he had moved far away from his original identity and had no option but to make a new beginning. Everyone knew him now as Kuntal Baweja and he gradually accepted his new identity.

After doing MBA, he looked for a job and soon got it. He had no family and no other distractions. He spent most of his time in office. The rest of the time, he planned and organised things in his mind. He was exceptionally successful as a professional.

He often remembered Sheetal and wondered where she might be. Was she married? Perhaps. May be even a mother by now? How were his parents? Were they perhaps looking for him? His mind would often ache with these questions. His mental agony had mellowed him and made him philosophical. Like all those who suffer for long periods, he had come to accept suffering as the fate of man. Like all those who have suffered, he began to take suffering as real and happiness as just a dream. He knew what pain his sudden disappearance would have caused to Sheetal and to his parents. And yet, he derived solace from the thought that this pain was far less than the pain they would have suffered seeing him rot in his youth in a prison cell.

As time passed, Kuntal accepted loneliness as his fate. He cultivated decency and manners that had never been a part of his nature. It was in fact the play of raw instincts in him that appealed to Sheetal. But now, with Sheetal gone out of his life, and with the prospect of utter loneliness in front of him, he decided to acquire a polish that would suit his job as manager in private companies.